The Turning Point in My Life

"Eda, would you consider living and studying in Malacca to accompany me?"said my aunt called Mak Long.

At that particular time, I was speechless. Out of blue, she just came up with such question that I had never thought before. I just replied saying," Hurmm....hurmm... I think it would be best if you could give me some time to sort it out." She looked at me, smiled in full of hope. I tried to solve this puzzle, why suddenly she asked me to stay with her when we were not that close? I mean, we don't exactly talk much and share lots of stories, do we? Hence, why me?

All this happened when Mum and Dad went to Mecca to perform their Hajj and they just couldn't leave me alone in the house when nobody was around. To top it off, I would say that I used to be a little rebellious kid toward them when I was fourteen years old. Studying in a new built-up school where education ministry in Perak simply dump all those problematic students there just to fill up the quota was the reason why I behaved in such a way. Peer influence was the crucial factor to ponder when mingled with those kind of people who would drag you down to their level and psychologicallyconvinced you to be just like them; spoil brat.

Ever since then, I kept contemplating for couple of days whether or not to accept the offer or chose to drift myself away and away from my inner light. Deep inside me said," You just can't continue to be such an ignorant person. At some point, all this has to stop and you have to change yourself to a better one. Now or never, Eda!"

Thus, with a soft prayers to God, I finally made up my mind and chose to live with her to transform myself to a better me. All this while, I used to be playful 24/7, rebelled toward my parents, flirted with whomever I liked and it affected my grades so bad.

One month living with Mak Long and schooling at Methodist Girls Secondary School, the feeling I kept inside was so overwhelming. I was seriously touched when she acted just like a pure mother to me even though she was just my aunt and even my mum had never done that before. She would wake me up softly, prepared breakfast for me every single day that my friends would get jealous, won't allow me to touch any house works instead instructed me to just study and study.

During the period, my studies were on their way to progress and this had made me so excited as I did prove to myself that I could despite living far from my parents and siblings and escaped from all the temporary excitement.

Just before I managed to grab a thankful card to express my gratefulness to her, she was diagnosed with internals body failure and in three to four days after the solemn incident took place, she finally met her Maker.

I felt like the sky fell down and everything fell apart. All hopes I kept inside was ruined. There was just nobody to turn to. She left me unsaid. Little did she demonstrated any signs of leaving this world for eternity. Its true what Optimus Prime once said, "the greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how they love them while they're alive." This phrase resembles me a lot. I was too occupied to grab a moment to tell her how thankful and blessed I am to be taken care by her and for every little thing she had done for me.

It really took me quite some time to get over this because I already loved her. I already considered her as my everything for she was the reason of what I am today. If I chose to continue indulging myself into all the damaging excitement, I could have been worst and even spoil. She gave me strength and because of her, I chose not to give in, not to return to my hometown to spend my life there for I knew things were just not right if I stayed there. Thus, I tried to wake up from all the melancholies and found myself a boarding school to proceed my battle.

Studying in another girl's school was not as wonderful as I used to think. This was the place for all the hypocrites, plastics, back-stabbers, and innocent people mixed into one. They might be nice in front of you but they were the ones who would badmouth you even though they knew nothing about you. I had never lose hope and despair. Every night, He was the one I would turn to, The One that listened to my whispers and The One that gave me my inner light unconditionally. When it seemed like nobody was there to lend me a shoulder, it's Him I would treasure. There was once, a bad memory that I could still recalled till now when all the bitches simply accused me of stealing their so-called favorite male teacher. They even isolated me and pushed me away. I swore to God I didn't even want to have this type of man especially when he was taken. What a shame to us;women!

In another hurtful days when I was unofficially adopted by a kind teacher called Puan Saripah due to living too far from my parents, most of hostel mates were so uneasy and totally jealous of me. I had nobody around me at that particular time and most of them were among the hostel board of prefects. There was this one time when I came back from an outing and saw all students sat on the floor near the assembly hall. When I was about to join the crowd, one of the prefects; my so called plastic, fair weather friend called up my name and asked me to come to the front.

"You brought a handphone, didn't you?"

I didn't respond. She went on, "go inside the room, we will check you up!"

Well, I just obeyed and had no time to argue when the real ugly truth was that, all of them did bring a cellphone as well and decided to torture me simply because of jealousy. I felt so embarrassed of being insulted in front of juniors when we actually could sit and discuss in a more proper way. What hurts me the most was when they broke my locker just to ransacked it. Fortunately I had sensed this beforehand and asked my non-hostel mate to keep it for me.

I was so sick of thinking about this. I mean, why did they need to envy me when their parents were so close to them? When their bunch of bitches were all around them and never tired of making fun of me? Why is it always me? Were not they all satisfied enough of getting what they wanted? I just kept myself silent and kept struggling to excel in my studies. I just couldn't wait to finish my studies in Malacca and run back to Ipoh. Eventually, now I realized that as people grow up, they realize its less important to have more friends, and more important to have real ones.(Lauren Conrad)

Again, my heart bleed to the max when my elder sister was diagnosed with an SLE; systemic lupus erythematosus. An inflammatory disease of connective tissue with variable features including fever and weakness and fatigability and joint pains and skin lesions on the face or neck or arms. I tried to cope with both my studies and her by taking turns took care of her with mum. Every weekends I had to go to Selayang Hospital from Malacca to hug her close to me. We were so close especially when she fell sick. Sister's love would never ends. We shared everything and she used to be my second motivator after my aunt had passed away. She was the best sister I have ever had in my entire life and there was just no one could replace her.Ever! On June 1st, 2006, she really looked like as if she's at death's door. The illness attacked both her brain and kidneys that she suffered too much and no one could ever bear with such injurious pain.

" Eda, can you bathe me ?" said my elder sister known as Kak Pah.

I replied back saying, "Yes, sure! Take your clothes off and go inside the bathroom first. I'll be there in a few moments."

Little did I thought it would be the last time I bathed her because all this while, I used to clean her all the time when she fell sick. I even fed her a fish soup I cooked that afternoon that she said it was too hard for her to chew it and I started feeling weird because the fillet was so tender. Sometimes, when I did my chores in the kitchen, I silently cried and grieved upon her condition. Before she got the disease, she was the one who cooked for the whole family members and all the dishes were so amazing and scrumptious, she even sang all the time, teased us around, taught me and little ones mathematics etc. She was the best role model for us. 3.30am sharp on June 2nd, 2006, she breathed her last word. Its indeed true that whom the gods love die young.

Despite all the devastating hard times, bad gossips, insults, I just made my eyes blind, my ears deaf and my lips muted and continued strive and struggled to meet my ends. God blessed me when I successfully got flying colors result in my PMR and SPM examinations. I did shocked all those judgmental people when they got to know my results and stopped underestimating me. I thanked myself for being strong and rigid toward all the obstacles as I really bound to this survival secret,"it gets worse before better, try not to panic." Above all, I thanked God so much for giving me courage to embark on this challenging adventure and bold enough to make a difference for myself although there were so much pain I faced but it was all fruitful in return. I am now proud to be today's Eda who is way better than the past six years' Eda who was defiant and indecent.